Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
