She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
