i was born a porn star she said
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
