I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
