You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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