He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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