Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
