Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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