watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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