Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
