After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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