The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
