I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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