You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
