I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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