I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
