I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
