this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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