If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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