Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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