i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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