One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
