I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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