I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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