just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can Purell be used as lube?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
dude. I can hear the air.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
