I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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