I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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