for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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