so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
