I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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