how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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