I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
