when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
