I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
