Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
