he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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