Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
