why didn't you poke me back
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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