Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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