i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
