Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
