So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
