Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
