there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
