You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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