Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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