Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
