i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
