Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
