Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
