Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
