it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
